Original poster here... I apologize for the confusion maybe I wasn't clear which led to almost all responses going in the direction that I am sure of, or suspecting a mental health issue. Let me rule that out to start with.
Let me clarify. When you're raising a SINGLE child you're concerned about things like how to establish a bedtime routine, how to have them eat healthy and how to deal with their rejection of certain foods, how to let them know that something is right and something is wrong, how to deal with tantrums or night terrors etc. So taking tantrums as an example, if a kid has a meltdown in the middle of a mall, parenting resources and the pediatrician say ignore them and get on with the day to teach them that this is not right. But first of all you get a disagreement between the parents about what's the right course of action, then you get a range of negative responses from people around you such as dirty looks and shit comments, and God forbid if you're going out with grandparents, they will completely override volumes of research and pick the kid up to the nearest candy store. Now when it's TWINS, then you're dealing with all the above PLUS issues where one of them is misbehaving and the other is copying, or one of them is good at puzzles and the other isn't and therefore takes out that frustration in other forms.
That's why we are looking for middle ground, external validation from an independent party who knows their shit rather than mom blogs, pediatricians (who are no better than mom blogs), grandparents etc. So also in response to the comment about whether I was "raised by a professional or a book", I was raised by parents whom I give immense credit for what they did with what limited experience they had but who also admitted that they did a much better job raising my youngest sibling than my eldest due to the experience they learned on the job. So I can't blame them if their methods were uninformed but I will definitely blame myself for not trying to get it as close to right as possible.